How To Look Back On The Past Year to Move Forward
Table Talk Series with SeekHer Scholars
I had the chance to be a part of SeekHer's Table Talk Scholar Series. I have to say being in spaces with black women who have shared values on mental health, wellness, embodied connection, and community is so rewarding! I'm incredibly greatful for the chance to connect. Here's my thoughts on some of topics we discussed.
As you engage with clients, communities, and fellow mental health practitioners, what thought-provoking questions are emerging in your journey, what new insights are you currently gaining and how are they shaping your understanding?
In my work with clients and my community there's a lot of questions around how to move forward despite adversity. I think my current journey is showing me how life is in a constant state of change, ebbs, and flow and that can feel difficult to navigate and a bit chaotic and so the question that comes up in these conversations most is how do we move through this. I hold a lot of space for these types of reflections for myself and my community and I like to get curious about (1) What message might your highest self have for you? (2) When do you feel most alive?
Reflecting on the past year, what are the experiences of growth - whether tied to grief or joy- that stand out to you? How have these experiences empowered you, increased resilience in you, or grounded you?
Over the past year the experiences of growth that stand out to me most definitely include grief. Grief is a complex emotion that emerges when we experience any kind of loss or lack. We grieve for people who have passed, relationships that ended, or even the lives we didn't get to live. As painful as grief can be, it also awakens us to the things we desire most, and that longing is what can propell is in the direction of growth. For me when I understood what I lacked, I felt empowered to make some reaches for the things I desired. I wasn't always comfortable, but we know that growth happens just outside your comfort zone. The more I made those reaches, the more I learned and grew and was able to tap into the joy of what was possible.
In the Seekher Scholar community, we cherish the power of interconnectedness, prioritizing mutual support and shared growth over going it alone. How does embracing the idea of something greater than our current collective experience influence your thinking, actions, and beliefs?
As a relational therapist and yoga teacher, I lead with the core value that we are all connected. We're social beings and rely on connection with others, which as we know isn't always easy and is pretty dependent on the relationship with have with our inner self. I think the idea of interconnectedness is something that shapes a lot of the way I move through this world and the work I do with clients. I'm constantly working on ways to nurture my relationship with self and better understand how I'm showing up in relationships with others. A lot of times when I'm helping someone address issues with functioning (anxiety, depression, disatisfaction in life) I like to ask "What does your social support look?" and "What are the spaces were you feel most affirmed and supported?" Sometime seeking social support and meaningful connection (whether connection to self or others) is the medicine needed to feel well.
As a Black therapist and wellness practitioner, how do you skillfully navigate the distinctive challenges of holding space for others as they work through collective trauma, racism, and relational disruptions? How do you facilitate growth and inspire hope for the future while also maintaining your own self-compassion and optimism?
One of the key skills I keep in mind as a space holder is leaving room for the felt experience. I think it can be really easy as helping professionals and just as human beings to want to go into a mode of fixing. Its often a lot easier than sitting in the discomfort of difficult feelings. My clients and I talk a lot about how invalidating it can be to share an experience with a friend or someone who's first instinct is to try and lesson the emotional burden ("Don't worry, it'll be okay." or "Look on the positive side."). My role as the therapist and space holder in the room is to create an experience where the client can truly be seen and witnessed in their experienced. So instead of going into a "fixing" mode, I work be curious about what their sharing and to tap into my own felt experiences in order to connect relationally. And that meaningful connection thats happening in the therapy space is so much of the work because that connection is repairing the disconnection that is caused by collective trauma and racism. Its allowing for a corrective experience. And that corrective experiences is so incredibly value... that is where the hope and optimism lies because its an experience that resonates in the mind and body and says "all is not lost, connection, validation, affirming experiences are possible." That therapuetic relationship is crucial because when a client is in a space where they feel held so to speak, we can start to identify where the opportunities for these relational connections exist outside the therapy space.
What has the exploration of your personal, familial, and collective history looked like this year? How has this inquiry and quest contributed to your sense of hope, resilience, and empowerment, as well as your vision for what our communities can accomplish through continued learning?
I'm a strong believer that our history and ancestral lineage is a big part of who we are and how we show up in the world. For me that exploration has been promoted by feelings of grief that I've personally experienced and witnessed other experience. It seems as time goes on I'm reminded more and more that our time in the physical world is not forever and so I often find myself reflecting on the people in my family and community who are no longer here in this physical world. Especially in those moments where I'm feeling maybe not as hopeful or empowered it feels meaningful to think about those who came before me, what they went through, how the contributed to me being in the position I'm in, and how I get to continue on the work in a sense of just thriving and growing. I like to think of life as a marathon, each generation gets a little bit further along, and that growth and progress comes from the continued learning and reflection we do.
How do you weave reflection into your daily routines to lead a more intentional life? Are there specific rituals or practices that have made a significant impact on your journey?
Ooo I think I've become pretty good at create moments for reflection on a daily basis, and I also feel like you can never have too much reflection. It almost feels like I'm always evaluating my reflection process and setting growth goals to make it an even more integral part of my day to day. My main reflection process that I have used as a tool even before I knew I was doing the thing is journaling. As an only child I spent a lot of time alone and a lot of time just processing my emotions by myself, and so writing things out really became a helpful tool to me and its somethings that I do now on an almost daily or weekly basis. I highly recommend reflecting through journaling especially for those who have a tendency to deal with overthingking or anxious thoughts. Outside of journaling, something I've started doing more recentl in the mornings is just checking in with myself. How am I arriving into the day? Do I have an lingering thoughts from the night before or anticipations about the day? What were my dreams like? (I'm the type of person who remembers my dreams a lot and sometimes wake up with different emoitions tied to the content of those dreams so I really like to check in with myself first things before I reach for my phone or get out of bed, do some mindful streching, and kind of ground myself as I start the day). I also like to use the natural cycles of life to also mark moments of reflection. For example setting intentions around the New Moon phase of the lunar cycle or even using the changing seasons, New Years, etc. to have a reflection practice as well.
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