Suppression is a defense mechanism in which an individual pushes undesirable ideas, emotions, or impulses out of conscious awareness. In our psychological process, various defense mechanisms are deployed to protect ourselves from triggering thoughts and feelings caused by external stressors or internal conflict. The problem with emotional suppression is that it's not a sustainable method of dealing with our feelings.
Our emotions exist for a reason, they are messengers with important information
We are emotional beings. We have a wide range of emotions, and they all have a purpose. Emotions are like messengers that bring us valuable information and insight that ultimately gives us more awareness and confidence navigating our life experiences. Emotions may be trying to communicate something about yourself, an unmet need, or a boundary that has been crossed.
Emotions will come back louder and stronger until they are acknowledged
Because emotions come bearing such important information, they don't like being suppressed. And they will attempt to emerge louder and stronger than before, until acknowledge. All living things have an innate tendency to thrive, grow, and expand. A natural part of reaching for growth and expansion shows up in emotional expression (because remember emotions bring in key information that leads to more insight and growth). When we emotionally suppress things, we are disrupting that natural process. In a sense, we are depriving ourselves of the necessary components of the human experience. We are blocking off an important sensor that helps us understand the world.
Defense mechanisms themselves are not inherently bad or wrong. Just like emotions exist for a reason, so do defense mechanisms. They protect us, and they allow us to cope with difficulty in a way that feels manageable and keeps us safe. We can honor how a behavior or habit has supported us and acknowledge a need for change.
Calming the nervous system can help deal with difficult emotions
Suppression is just one of our mind and body's automatic attempts to self-regulate. When discomfort or distress shows up in our emotions, suppression arrives in to bring us back to a baseline of calm and ease. Alternatively, we can learn to start taking an active role in regulating our own nervous system without the help of defense mechanisms. We do this through distress tolerance skills and relaxation techniques. It involves coming off of autopilot, connecting to our body, and remembering that we can consciously manage how we respond to our experiences and the feeling they bring.
A simply way to consciously regulate ourselves is by focusing in on the breath, taking intentional deep breaths through the nose into the belly, and slowly and softly exhaling out. When we breath deeply we let our nervous system know that we are safe. Listening to a guided meditation or connecting with each of your 5 senses can also help to regulate your nervous system.
Emotions come and go like waves in the water (sometimes the waves are intense and sometimes gentle)
When you get comfortable with utilizing regulation tools, you can begin to feel your feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. Instead of becoming your emotion(s), you can create space and just experience and observe them. Emotions are like waves in the ocean. They come and go. Sometimes the wave is intense and sometimes its gentle. Allow yourself to be curious about the waves, explore and observe them from a safe distance of grounding and regulation. Notice how the emotions show up in your body. Does frustration show up as a clenched jaw or furrowed brow? Does anxiety show up as a racing heart or upset stomach? Does anger show up as a fiery knot in the back of your throat waiting to be screamed out? However the emotions show up for you, how can you make space for them? Bear witness to them? Express and experience them? The same way you may express joy through dance or song, bring expression and life to the other emotions that might typically be denied, suppressed, or displaced.
Feel your feelings to feel better
Emotions want to be seen and acknowledged. When you allow yourself to feel the emotions, you can release their burden. Once the emotions feel accomplished in serving their purpose, they feel lighter and begin to lift, sometimes moving on all together. One example of this may be that feeling or relief you have after a good cry. We can work to unburden the emotions and in doing so we unburden ourselves. Emotional release is the opposite of suppression, and it helps you achieve an overall sense of positive wellbeing.
When deciding to change habits or use new resources it's important to understand where you are in the change process. For some, letting go of things that have protected us for so long may be incredibly activating. We could find ourselves being taken far out of our window of tolerance. A mental health professional can be an important support in your change process and journey towards being fully embodied and connected to your feelings.
Key Takeaways:
We are not our emotions, but we are emotional beings. We have a wide range of emotions and they all exist for a reason.
Emotions are messengers... what are they trying to show you or tell you (about yourself, someone else, an unmet need, or a boundary that has been crossed)?
Emotions don't like being suppressed. They will grow louder and more intense than they were before until they are acknowledged.
You can learn to regulate your nervous system in order to manage difficult emotions.
Emotions are not forever, they come and go like waves in the ocean (sometimes the waves are intense and sometimes gentle).
When you allow yourself to feel the emotions, you can release their burden, and in doing so unburden yourself.
Emotional release is the opposite of suppression. It gets us to our goal of feeling better more efficiently and sustainably.
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About the Author
Chelsey is a relational therapist based in Los Angeles, CA. She works with adult, teens, couples, and families to help them release stress, tension, and trauma to better connect to themselves and the world around them. She offers group, individual, and couples therapy and offers a sliding scale rate to increase accessibility to services. She also facilitates holistic wellness offerings such as sound bath and yoga sessions, and social gatherings to be in community and have space to engage in conversations about mental health and wellness. If you're ready to go deeper in your health and wellness journey you can explore working with Chelsey by booking a free therapy consultation HERE.
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